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     There are many levels of being a SPIV. Although homelessness isn't glamorous, at least these SPIVs are avoiding the menial grind of having a real job. Homelessness is for entry level SPIVs who haven't quite mastered the lifestyle, but are making the best of it nonetheless. Near the top level of SPIVs is someone who inherited their fortune. Now not only can you avoid a real job, but you can do it in style.  If you have any to add to this, please e-mail chris@popsweatshop.com.

The Spirituality of a SPIV

     Another way to live rather well, and at the same time walk the spiritual path, is to realize that money is like pollen in flowers: it is all around you. You just have to think like a bee and go and get it. Not only is the spiritual SPIV on the look out to make their own wits provide an income, but they are constantly looking for opportunities to style someone else out, when they don't expect it. By extending goodwill to all fellow SPIVs, they are building a type of "karmic unemployment insurance". The kickbacks of the giveaway are amazing. None of us are truly SPIVs until ALL of us are SPIVs.

The Mountain Man

     Certainly the Holy Grail holiest of holies of the Spivs is the Mountain Man. They deserve an award or something. They hold to no law but their own, drift free as clouds, settle nowhere, and keep forever on the move. They leave no trace on the land, like the Indians, with whom they were at peace. They want nothing beyond what they find, and little, if any, of that.  They are using their wits directly with the elements of nature to forage out a living and answer to no one in the process. This equals total freedom, but this freedom has serious hazards. Winter, wild animals, hostile natives, etc.

     I met a true mountain man at about 10,000 ft. in the Colorado Rockies who lived in an abandoned mineshaft. He lived on about $25-50 a month. Ate mostly Elk meat. Actually wore skins!

Homeless Tips

Get a large, sealable container. Put in two cups cold water to one tea bag and let it sit overnight. If you don't have either ice or sugar it's going to take some getting used to - but it's a good alternative to water.

Especially if you are packing stuff around, pitas and tortillas are a good idea. You can stuff anything in them: peanut butter, tuna fish, canned chili, garbanzo beans and alfalfa sprouts, even chocolate.

Marion Sue Fischer writes from California: "This is your mother: It's very important to eat greens when you are homeless. There are no food stamps here, but they give you more money. Here is my recipe for "Electric Fry Pan Chicken Cacciatore:" Get a hold of an electric fry pan at a thrift store. You can do wonders...almost anything. Buy a few chicken wings; they're cheap, and then use the vegetables that you get from the food bank. Canned tomatoes, any kind of greens. Use a little oil if you need to, and saute the meat and greens. Add the tomatoes and let it simmer. Voila!

You might want to divide your food stamps into a weekly allotment and do frequent shopping. You'll be able to keep fresh vegetables, cheaper and better for you, around longer in the month. And it won't go bad in your fridge.

IF YOU DON'T HAVE A KITCHEN:

If you are on the street, you can't exactly carry five pounds of rice around with you. (Eating raw rice isn't good for you anyway.) You end up buying individual cans of tomato juice, small cups of cottage cheese, and prepared sandwiches. Money runs out pretty fast. Here are some essentials and ideas to keep a 'portable kitchen'. Martha Stewart only wishes she were this ingenious:

P-38 style military can openers are a must. They are 40 cents a piece, attach to a key chain, and are lighter than a key.

DO NOT store food in plastic grocery bags. Store them in paper bags; in the plastic bags, food will sweat faster and spoil faster.

A small investment in a one-burner camper's stove is the best bet, because you can cook anywhere, be completely hidden if you only had one bush to crawl behind, and it fits in the smallest of backpacks or bags. Camper's equipment is simply a must. If you don't have cookware, you can always mount your tin can on the burner.

Health food stores have tons of dehydrated meals; just add water. They are more nutritious than regular stores carry, even regular stores are starting to carry these in their 'health food' sections. 'Fantastic Foods' is a great brand.

Speaking of camping, getting to know the edible plants in your area you can make a salad practically anywhere.

Getting food stamps has always been hard - but pretty soon using them is going to become a challenge too. A new computerized system is being implemented nationwide, which will track food stamp allotments electronically. You give the grocery clerk a card, like an ATM card, and your purchases are debited from your account. No change. Obviously an assumption is that people will use the few pennies change for 'unauthorized' transactions, like Tampax or bus fare to an affordable grocery.

Some fear the new system will require people to have bank accounts, or will discriminate against non-English speaking people, people who can't read or operate sophisticated equipment. At any rate, the change may come to Washington as early as July or August.

In the meantime, good luck!

 * * * * * * * * *

Take your pick, Prison or Work:

In prison you get your own toilet - At work you have to share

In prison they allow friends and family to visit - At work you can't even speak to your family and friends

In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required - At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners

In prison you spend most of your time looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out - At work you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go to bars

In prison you can join many programs which you can leave at any time - At work there are some programs you can never get out of

In prison you spend most of your time in an 8 X 10 cell - at work you spend most of your time in a 6 X 8 cubicle

In prison you get three meals a day - At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it

In prison you get time off for good behavior - at work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work

In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you - At work, you must carry a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself

In prison you can watch TV and play games - At work you can get fired for watching TV and playing games

In prison they ball and chain you when you go somewhere - At work, you're just ball and chained

In prison, there are sadistic wardens - At work, we have managers

SPIV tips for those who want the work taken out of a work out:

1) Beating around the bush, 2) Jumping to conclusions, 3) Climbing the walls, 4) Swallowing my pride, 5) Passing the buck, 6) Throwing my weight around, 7) Dragging my heels, 8) Pushing my luck, 9) Making Mountains out of molehills, 10) Hitting the nail on the head, 11) Wading through paperwork, 12) Bending over backwards, 13) Jumping on the bandwagon, 14) Balancing the books, 15) Running around in circles, 16) Eating crow, 17) Tooting my own horn, 18) Climbing the ladder of success, 19) Pulling out the stops, 20) Adding fuel to the fire, 21) Opening a can of worms, 22) Putting my foot in my mouth, 23) Starting the ball rolling, 24) Going over the edge, 25) Picking up the pieces. Whew! What a workout!